Why I am not clumsy anymore.

 

Author Oriah Miller

I used to be very clumsy, especially as a child. I was always the tallest girl in my class, and now as an adult I am 5’9″. My dad used to reprehend me for bumping into anything and everything. I used to have constant bruises on my hips from walking into counters (or bouncing off of them). I very much related to Cindy Snow on Three’s Company. I broke three pinky toes by the time I was 35. I have sprained my arm (that I used to fling around). Some people told me that sports would give me discipline. So, I tried Karate, and running, and fitness training. And although I understood balance, and I understood how to walk through a doorway without bumping into a person or object-I still was a walking bull. (Yes, I am a Taurus)

I understood being clumsy was not pretty, and was not lady like. I was a tom boy at heart, so I figured it made no difference. But, as the years went by I would admire lady’s who stretched their hand across a busy table of glass and dinnerware to retrieve the dressing, and never touch a thing. Or stand up from the table, and the chair didn’t have to go with them. I was a bit envious-but more so curious. Why were they like that?

I also notice these women all seem to have something in common, they had dignity. So it was not just they looked like a swan floating across the stream, but it was the way they spoke and addressed people, everything they did. It wasn’t pretentious, it wasn’t even guarded, it was more gracious. Gracious was a word that was never desired by me, because I thought it was simply unattainable.

As life went on, I had five children, and businesses, and I traveled…I started to transform my life from the inside out. In a sense I started to ‘awaken’, like so many people are experiencing nowadays. I started more and more to be  ’aware’ of my impact on the planet, my ‘character footprint’ that I had in the world. I started to notice people differently, had more compassion, in a sense my heart started to open.

I began to go back to the wide eyed little girl full of curiosity. And this time as a 37 year old woman with grown kids. I also noticed something was happening to the way I moved across a room. I began to be quite impressed with myself. I noticed it first at the dinner table, I would sit and get up with grace. I also was slower in my movements because I was taking more in, not wanting to miss a thing.

This behavior started to transfer over into other areas of my life. All the yoga, training, cycling etc in the world could not bring me grace-from the inside. As I slowed down, and began exploring my inner world, and the inner world of others I was moving calmly enough to make these gracious movements. I began to be very pleased with myself, I wondered what I must look like now to the outside world, as I picked up my shawl that slipped off my shoulders and delicately placed it back on my shoulder. That took practice. My handbag will still slide off my shoulders with it, now and then… but I stopped dropping my camera, i phone, mail and keys.

I stopped losing things too, I was present enough to remember where I set it down. And it wasn’t done under stress or anxiety…but peace. I started to notice something. The more connected I became with myself, the more I started to treat my body better. I placed my clothing on my body with my dignity. I started to brush my hair softer. I actually feel delicate, and not a tomboy anymore-but a woman. A woman with grace and dignity for honoring the body that I chose and being grateful and thankful I am here to experience being connected to it. : )

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Tagged: awakening, being connected, being grateful, clumsy

Posted in: powerful mothers